relentlessheart

taking things day by day

One Hundred Eighty-One. September 18, 2016

Filed under: Family,New Things — Courtney @ 12:08 pm

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg

One hundred eighty-one. That’s how many days we’ve been blessed by our sweet baby boy. The last time I wrote we were only four weeks in! Since then we have played, changed lots of diapers, cuddled, cried, … and watched lots of Grey’s Anatomy. I planned on writing about how amazing motherhood is, along with how hard it is. However, the quote that I found is too perfect for words. I especially like where Debra says, “The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that…”

Brady is my heart. I care for my dogs. My family is incredibly important to me. I love my husband. But, Brady is my heart. It’s different. It’s special. Because of that, being a mom is very hard. Am I doing this right? Will he be successful? Am I truly doing everything that I can for him? Motherhood comes with all of these questions. And most of them you can’t answer. However, I know when I look at that sweet smiling face that somehow, I AM doing this right. He WILL be successful. I AM truly doing everything that I can for him. Because he is my heart.

There are hardships. There are lots of smiles. There are late nights and early mornings. And there is my heart, beating outside my chest in the midst of it all. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

In honor of B being six months this Wednesday, here are six of my favorite photos.

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Really, Dude? April 19, 2016

Filed under: Family,Love,New Things — Courtney @ 2:30 pm

“Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child.”
— Tina Brown

“Really, Dude?” would be the newest phrase that has been uttered in our household. Whether it’s because he spit up on his outfit we just changed him into, sprayed a fountain of pee all over himself (and me, the wall, in his bath water…), or passing gas in Chris’s lap like it’s going out of style, this seems to be the most appropriate response. But then there are all the other special moments in between the “Really, Dude?”s. The ones where I just watch him sleeping so preciously. When he grabs hold of my shirt while I’m cuddling him. The little smile he gives, even if it’s on accident. These moments make all those other ones worth while. There was one night we had friends over to watch a movie. B was incredibly fussy for some reason. I ended up holding him and rocking him and missing 80% of the movie. But somehow I didn’t mind. This motherhood feeling really takes over and the things that used to matter don’t seem as important anymore.

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Being a mom is not something you can really prepare for. And thank goodness for that, because I did not feel prepared at all! I don’t do babies. Never have. But being with B and taking care of him, it’s surreal. I am so thankful to God that he provides this amazing relationship and bond that comes with these perfect instincts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making this sound like it’s all a fairy tale. I’ve been overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, and incredibly emotional over our past four week with B (four weeks, what?!). However, all those lows come with the highs. It’s cliche, but I really wonder how my life ever felt complete without him. He takes up a special place in my heart that only he can occupy.

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This Tina Brown quote said it best. Seeing Chris as a dad has made my love for him transform. He is a perfect father. He’s already talking up his baseball skills and working out his legs and arms. He may get peed on 8/10 times he changes the diaper, but he is still happy to do it. He’s patient. Loving. Tender. I know that he and B will have great times together.

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I’ve also got to take a moment to shout out to our amazing family who has been a gigantic help. I have the utmost respect for single parents, because I don’t know what I would do without being able to call one of B’s grandparents or great-grandparents for some help! Some days I just need some extra Z’s, and I know they’ll help make sure that happens. Thanks for all you do for us and B! We are truly blessed.

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All glory goes to the Most High! Praise God for the newest addition to our family.

 

The Married Life. October 16, 2013

Filed under: Love,New Things — Courtney @ 9:27 pm
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“Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love”
“I Won’t Give Up” Jason Mraz

For those who are unmarried, let me give you a heads up: everyone will ask you, “How’s the married life?” for, as far as I can tell, at least five months. I have been asked this question many, many times. My usual response is, “It’s great,” or something along those lines. But if these polite people wanted my true answer, they’d be listening to me for a while.

There’s the cliche “waking up to your best friend” business, which, don’t get me wrong, that’s definitely on the list of what makes ‘the married life’ great. But it’s so much more than that. I am constantly saying, “it’s the little things.” Because it is. That phrase has never meant as much to me as it has in the past five and half months. What makes the married life great? It’s when he watches one more episode of The Office with me and misses the first twenty minutes of the Red Sox game. It’s when he makes me a pb&j because I just think he does it so much better than me. It’s when he tells me to buy the Cosmopolitan magazine that I’m staring at while we’re waiting in line at Wal-Mart. It’s when he randomly reaches for my hand. It’s when he comes home and surprises me with gummie bears or gas station hot dogs (trust me, that’s more romantic than it sounds). It’s when he answers all my clueless baseball and football questions when he watches a game. It’s when I come home to find the living room neat or the dishes put away. It’s when he works super hard to make sure to use the right towels in the kitchen, because they all have a specific job. It’s when he does all of these little things and so many other big things that he does on a daily basis.

So, in case you haven’t already picked up on things, the married life is truly amazing, and I could not ask for a better man to share this crazy life with. Thank you for being such an amazing husband, Chris. You are my world.

 

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”
– Mignon McLaughlin

“Look around
There’s no one but you and me
Right here and now
The way it was meant to be
There’s a smile on my face
Knowing that together everything that’s in our way
We’re better than alright”
“Between the Raindrops” Lifehouse

 

September. October 1, 2012

I was checking up on my page and realized I haven’t written a single thing in September! And since today is the last day of September, I thought I should post something. But what? How about just a good ‘ole life update. Sound good? Cool.

Well, life has been going pretty grand. Since I’m an elementary education major, I’ve been teaching in an elementary school three days a week. I absolutely love it, and my sweet students remind me why I went into this profession. Your job should make you happy, and teaching definitely does that for me. I love those kiddos. It’s crazy because I don’t even mind having to get up at SIX IN THE MORNING because I know it’ll be a great day. Getting up for class, on the other hand, is a totally different story. Speaking of class, I don’t know if I’ve told you, but I’m shooting to graduate as Summa Cum Laude, which is the highest form of honors at my University. I have to get a 4.0 this semester to get that though, which is gonna be rough. I’ve been working super, super hard though, and it looks as if my goal may be within reach! I would love to be able to put that on my resume and see those ropes hanging in my office. I really hope to get it, only to make myself proud.

As far as the social aspects of life go, that’s going pretty awesomely as well. My fiance and I have 208 more days until our wedding! How exciting is that? Ah, I can’t wait. He is just so perfect for me; it’s unreal. My family is doing great, too. I went home this weekend and got to see my parents, Chris, Jessie (my sweet doxie), and my mom’s parents! It was a fabulous weekend filled with family and fun. God has blessed me so much, and I am so thankful for Him in my life. I also get to see my friends on a weekly basis! We have this “Tuesday Night Dinner” thing we do to make sure we all see each other at least once that week. I’m so happy we do that because there is nothing like spending a couple of hours enjoying time with friends. Melanee and I also Skype every other week! Although we wish she were able to make it TND! My education Cohort has been good to me, also. They threw me a shower last week! It was so thoughtful. I am so happy to be part of Cohort C, which is the best one around. Ask any of our professors; they love us 🙂 Also, I joined the University’s Relay for Life committee! I am so excited to be on the committee and help create a world with more birthdays! We had our first meeting last week, and I met my “family” in the Survivorship sub-committee! It’s going to be a great year with them, and I can’t wait til April for the event!

All in all, life have been great.

 

My Future Husband. July 8, 2012

Filed under: Love,New Things — Courtney @ 10:13 pm
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“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”

— Maya Angelou

Our first real date at the zoo! One month before our first kiss/anniversary. June 6, 2009.

Well, after dating for exactly three years, Chris proposed to me! On July 6, 2012, which is our three year anniversary, Chris asked me to marry him!!! He told me to close my eyes, then when he said to open them, the ring was in his hand and he said, “Will you marry me?” I said “YES!” immediately! I’m so happy I can now call him my fiance! It’s so exciting! We hope to get married on our anniversary next summer! We’ll see how that works out. I’ve written something for three of the most important people in my life, but I’m missing one more, which would be Chris, of course. So, Chris, this one’s for you.

Picture for our one year! Crazy how long ago that was. 2010.

Chris, my boyfriend fiance, my other half, my love, my heart, my everything. I love you more than words can express. I’ve known for a long time that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and I’m happy we’ve taken the next step to our life together. You are such an important part of my life, and I have absolutely no idea where I’d be without you. You have helped me get through so much that I’ve gone through, and I couldn’t think of a better person to encourage me along the way than you. You’re so perfect for me. God wanted us to be together, and I know that for a fact. Our first meeting each other was fate, and I’m so thankful God picked you for me. You’re the best, and I’m so thankful for all that you do for me. Thank you for always holding my hand when we’re together. Thank you for letting me cry over little things and being patient with me when I have my moments. Thank you for your support in everything I do and know that I support you in everything, too. I love how I can tell you everything. I trust you with all my heart. I feel safe with you. You push me to do my best. You’re amazing, and I honestly could not think of a better person to spend the rest of my life you. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, and the smile on my face. I love you.

Pictures for our two-year anniversary. I adore this picture so much. 2011.

I cannot wait to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you! I wish I could explain how much I love you. Thanks for everything. You’re the best. Can’t wait to spend forever with you.

On our three year anniversary, before you asked me! July 6, 2012.

And how could I forget! Here is my ring 🙂

 

I Still Haven’t Cried. April 2, 2012

Filed under: New Things,Perspective — Courtney @ 3:01 am
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If you know me, then you know that I’m a cry baby. About everything. I mean, seriously. No need in trying to tell me different, because I know the truth. My mom is sensitive, my dad is sensitive, my mom’s parents are sensitive. I was doomed to be sensitive. And I am.

Saying that, I didn’t cry when I had over nine inches of my hair cut off. And I didn’t cry the next day. Or the next.

And then there was today. I can still say that I haven’t cried. But my eyes not watering at all was true til about and hour and a half ago. It seems so silly to be upset over hair, but I can’t help it. Naturally, I told my mom about how I was upset about my hair and didn’t really like it at the moment. Then my mom reminds me about what good I did for someone else (I donated the hair to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths for women with cancer). However, even though she was trying to make me feel better, it only made me feel worse. I thought about how there are some people without any hair due to chemotherapy treatments, who I use to be, by the way, and then I realized how selfish I was being. That’s why I did this in the first place, so why am I getting upset about something as small as my hair cut? Perspective.

Top Left: Pre-hair cut
Top Right: Post-hair cut
Bottom: The nine inches of hair that was cut that I'll be donating

 

Hey There. March 29, 2012

Filed under: Lazy Days,New Things — Courtney @ 4:58 pm
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I’m not quite sure which attempt number this is, but here goes yet another for a blog. I honestly really enjoy blogging. I mean, I document everything that is humanly possible to document in some way, e.g., videos, photos, quotes, Facebook check-ins, so I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me to keep up with writing a blog. So, with my passion for documenting life, I am trying once again.

This time around won’t be as much like my previous blogs. Hopefully I can add a little more incite on life here. Or just randomly update on how my life is going, which is more likely to happen. But, hey. I’m trying, aren’t I?

So here’s to giving things another go! Wish me luck!

Yay, for wet hair and lazy days.
P.S. Eight inches of this hair will be cut off today at 4:15 PM.
Hope you're as ready as I am.