relentlessheart

taking things day by day

One Hundred Eighty-One. September 18, 2016

Filed under: Family,New Things — Courtney @ 12:08 pm

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg

One hundred eighty-one. That’s how many days we’ve been blessed by our sweet baby boy. The last time I wrote we were only four weeks in! Since then we have played, changed lots of diapers, cuddled, cried, … and watched lots of Grey’s Anatomy. I planned on writing about how amazing motherhood is, along with how hard it is. However, the quote that I found is too perfect for words. I especially like where Debra says, “The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that…”

Brady is my heart. I care for my dogs. My family is incredibly important to me. I love my husband. But, Brady is my heart. It’s different. It’s special. Because of that, being a mom is very hard. Am I doing this right? Will he be successful? Am I truly doing everything that I can for him? Motherhood comes with all of these questions. And most of them you can’t answer. However, I know when I look at that sweet smiling face that somehow, I AM doing this right. He WILL be successful. I AM truly doing everything that I can for him. Because he is my heart.

There are hardships. There are lots of smiles. There are late nights and early mornings. And there is my heart, beating outside my chest in the midst of it all. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

In honor of B being six months this Wednesday, here are six of my favorite photos.

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Thank You Cards June 30, 2016

Filed under: Family,Perspective — Courtney @ 11:41 am

“Without heroes, we are all plain people, and don’t know how far we can go.” –Bernard Malamud

In the past few weeks, I have lost two great uncles who were both Veterans. I didn’t have anything to write this when it came to my mind, so I rewrote it the best I could. 

I dedicate this poem to my Uncle Jerrell and my Uncle Lee. 

I wish I could send you a Veteran’s Day card

As I’ve done only once in the past. 

I would have sent you so many more 

If I had know the first would also be the last. 

You served our country and made sacrifices you didn’t have to make.

Some things you did, I cannot even fathom.

So that you could fight for freedom

So people like me could have them. 

What I would do to share one more laugh or hug with you,

Even though I know that it wouldn’t be enough.

Because when you come to mind,

I think of much more than just a family member I love. 

You remind me of honesty, respect and loyalty-

just to name a few. 

You even served in the Vietnam War,

So I think of bravery, too. 

I wish I could tell you thank you again, 

But this time I wouldn’t just send a letter.

I’d cry in your arms and tell you I love you,

And I would cherish that moment forever. 

Thank you to all of our Veteran’s. 

 

Really, Dude? April 19, 2016

Filed under: Family,Love,New Things — Courtney @ 2:30 pm

“Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child.”
— Tina Brown

“Really, Dude?” would be the newest phrase that has been uttered in our household. Whether it’s because he spit up on his outfit we just changed him into, sprayed a fountain of pee all over himself (and me, the wall, in his bath water…), or passing gas in Chris’s lap like it’s going out of style, this seems to be the most appropriate response. But then there are all the other special moments in between the “Really, Dude?”s. The ones where I just watch him sleeping so preciously. When he grabs hold of my shirt while I’m cuddling him. The little smile he gives, even if it’s on accident. These moments make all those other ones worth while. There was one night we had friends over to watch a movie. B was incredibly fussy for some reason. I ended up holding him and rocking him and missing 80% of the movie. But somehow I didn’t mind. This motherhood feeling really takes over and the things that used to matter don’t seem as important anymore.

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Being a mom is not something you can really prepare for. And thank goodness for that, because I did not feel prepared at all! I don’t do babies. Never have. But being with B and taking care of him, it’s surreal. I am so thankful to God that he provides this amazing relationship and bond that comes with these perfect instincts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making this sound like it’s all a fairy tale. I’ve been overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, and incredibly emotional over our past four week with B (four weeks, what?!). However, all those lows come with the highs. It’s cliche, but I really wonder how my life ever felt complete without him. He takes up a special place in my heart that only he can occupy.

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This Tina Brown quote said it best. Seeing Chris as a dad has made my love for him transform. He is a perfect father. He’s already talking up his baseball skills and working out his legs and arms. He may get peed on 8/10 times he changes the diaper, but he is still happy to do it. He’s patient. Loving. Tender. I know that he and B will have great times together.

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I’ve also got to take a moment to shout out to our amazing family who has been a gigantic help. I have the utmost respect for single parents, because I don’t know what I would do without being able to call one of B’s grandparents or great-grandparents for some help! Some days I just need some extra Z’s, and I know they’ll help make sure that happens. Thanks for all you do for us and B! We are truly blessed.

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All glory goes to the Most High! Praise God for the newest addition to our family.

 

November + December. September 1, 2013

Here is photo collage to sum up the rest of 2012. It was filled with reuniting with old friends, going out, game nights, visiting family, work, poker, doggies, training with the Cohort, a kitchen gadget engagement shower, work on Christmas, a horrible attempt at burrito making, Rock Band, and my last day at the theater. I ended the year with twenty-three pairs of Chuck T’s, and brought in the new year by bowling with Chris and friends.

November + December 2012.

 

September. October 1, 2012

I was checking up on my page and realized I haven’t written a single thing in September! And since today is the last day of September, I thought I should post something. But what? How about just a good ‘ole life update. Sound good? Cool.

Well, life has been going pretty grand. Since I’m an elementary education major, I’ve been teaching in an elementary school three days a week. I absolutely love it, and my sweet students remind me why I went into this profession. Your job should make you happy, and teaching definitely does that for me. I love those kiddos. It’s crazy because I don’t even mind having to get up at SIX IN THE MORNING because I know it’ll be a great day. Getting up for class, on the other hand, is a totally different story. Speaking of class, I don’t know if I’ve told you, but I’m shooting to graduate as Summa Cum Laude, which is the highest form of honors at my University. I have to get a 4.0 this semester to get that though, which is gonna be rough. I’ve been working super, super hard though, and it looks as if my goal may be within reach! I would love to be able to put that on my resume and see those ropes hanging in my office. I really hope to get it, only to make myself proud.

As far as the social aspects of life go, that’s going pretty awesomely as well. My fiance and I have 208 more days until our wedding! How exciting is that? Ah, I can’t wait. He is just so perfect for me; it’s unreal. My family is doing great, too. I went home this weekend and got to see my parents, Chris, Jessie (my sweet doxie), and my mom’s parents! It was a fabulous weekend filled with family and fun. God has blessed me so much, and I am so thankful for Him in my life. I also get to see my friends on a weekly basis! We have this “Tuesday Night Dinner” thing we do to make sure we all see each other at least once that week. I’m so happy we do that because there is nothing like spending a couple of hours enjoying time with friends. Melanee and I also Skype every other week! Although we wish she were able to make it TND! My education Cohort has been good to me, also. They threw me a shower last week! It was so thoughtful. I am so happy to be part of Cohort C, which is the best one around. Ask any of our professors; they love us 🙂 Also, I joined the University’s Relay for Life committee! I am so excited to be on the committee and help create a world with more birthdays! We had our first meeting last week, and I met my “family” in the Survivorship sub-committee! It’s going to be a great year with them, and I can’t wait til April for the event!

All in all, life have been great.

 

Handsome Daddy. June 16, 2012

Filed under: Family — Courtney @ 2:45 pm
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Any man can be a father. It takes a special man to be a dad.”
— Author Unknown 

 

Father’s Day is tomorrow so it was only fitting to write a special post for my awesome Dad. First, let me explain why this post is called “Handsome Daddy.” My old phone would announce who is calling by saying, “Call from BLANK.” When I told Dad about this, he replied, “So when I call does it say, ‘Call from Handsome Daddy’?” I assured him it did and since then he is always Handsome Daddy in my phone. In fact, now he is my only contact with a nickname. So, as you can see my dad is the jokester, and he always has me laughing.

Thanks for showing me the beauty of muscle cars, too!

Dad, thank you so much for all that you have done for me. You’re always so strong in every situation, which helps me to be strong, too. You always put a smile on my face by something silly you’ve done or something you’ve said. I love our “I love you more so I win” wars. I like that you text me Jessie’s messages to me, because how else would I know that she said “arff arff” which means “I love you” (It’s a good thing you can translate for her too!). I also love our “your face thing.” Chris and I both really enjoy our game nights/movie nights. I know that you always have us cracking up. I’m especially thankful for not only my relationship with you, but yours with Chris as well. He really loves you and you mean a lot to him; more than you know I’m sure. I’m grateful for knowing that I can come to you with anything, and you’ll help me out. Thanks for helping me to appreciate The Beatles and Johnny Cash. I am thankful for your bravery in killing bugs around the house. Thanks for all your fun stories from your childhood. Thanks for letting me go crazy at the grocery store and get whatever is looking good at the time. Thanks for getting me so into the comic book movies; I always look forward to our Daddy-Daughter dates when a new one is coming out. Most of all, I am thankful that you are my dad. Bubby and I are super lucky to call you our dad. I know I’d be missing out on a lot of hugs and giggles if you weren’t my dad. Thanks for all that you do for me, and thank you for all the things I know you’ll do for me in the future. I love you Dad (more, so I win!)

Thanks for always being silly!

When you’re having a rough day, just look back on this and realize how much I love you! You’re the best Daddy in the whole entire world, and I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Happy Father’s Day!

 

My Angel Mother. May 25, 2012

Filed under: Family — Courtney @ 4:45 pm
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All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

     — Abraham Lincoln

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The month of May means Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday, so I decided to write a special post about her and how much she truly means to me. So, Mom, this is for you. (Hope you don’t mind some of the pictures I chose!)

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Mom, can I just say that you truly are the best mom that I could ever ask for. You do so much for me and everything that you can for me, and I am so very appreciative. You honestly mean the world to me. I have no idea where I would be without you. Of course, you’re my mom so I love you, but I also love you because you’re a great person. You always hold me up when I am having a rough time. You accept that I’m a cry baby and let me have my moments. You love me unconditionally and show that to me daily. You support me in everything that I do and always encourage me to do my best. Your smile when you see me warms my heart. You were strong for me when I needed you to be. I could go on and on.

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I hope this short little letter can help you to understand and see at least the smallest ounce of the millions of gallons of how much you mean to me. I know I can come to you for anything. I’m so thankful for the relationship that you and I have. God blessed me with the best mom there is. I love you, Mom.

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