relentlessheart

taking things day by day

One Hundred Eighty-One. September 18, 2016

Filed under: Family,New Things — Courtney @ 12:08 pm

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg

One hundred eighty-one. That’s how many days we’ve been blessed by our sweet baby boy. The last time I wrote we were only four weeks in! Since then we have played, changed lots of diapers, cuddled, cried, … and watched lots of Grey’s Anatomy. I planned on writing about how amazing motherhood is, along with how hard it is. However, the quote that I found is too perfect for words. I especially like where Debra says, “The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that…”

Brady is my heart. I care for my dogs. My family is incredibly important to me. I love my husband. But, Brady is my heart. It’s different. It’s special. Because of that, being a mom is very hard. Am I doing this right? Will he be successful? Am I truly doing everything that I can for him? Motherhood comes with all of these questions. And most of them you can’t answer. However, I know when I look at that sweet smiling face that somehow, I AM doing this right. He WILL be successful. I AM truly doing everything that I can for him. Because he is my heart.

There are hardships. There are lots of smiles. There are late nights and early mornings. And there is my heart, beating outside my chest in the midst of it all. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

In honor of B being six months this Wednesday, here are six of my favorite photos.

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Thank You Cards June 30, 2016

Filed under: Family,Perspective — Courtney @ 11:41 am

“Without heroes, we are all plain people, and don’t know how far we can go.” –Bernard Malamud

In the past few weeks, I have lost two great uncles who were both Veterans. I didn’t have anything to write this when it came to my mind, so I rewrote it the best I could. 

I dedicate this poem to my Uncle Jerrell and my Uncle Lee. 

I wish I could send you a Veteran’s Day card

As I’ve done only once in the past. 

I would have sent you so many more 

If I had know the first would also be the last. 

You served our country and made sacrifices you didn’t have to make.

Some things you did, I cannot even fathom.

So that you could fight for freedom

So people like me could have them. 

What I would do to share one more laugh or hug with you,

Even though I know that it wouldn’t be enough.

Because when you come to mind,

I think of much more than just a family member I love. 

You remind me of honesty, respect and loyalty-

just to name a few. 

You even served in the Vietnam War,

So I think of bravery, too. 

I wish I could tell you thank you again, 

But this time I wouldn’t just send a letter.

I’d cry in your arms and tell you I love you,

And I would cherish that moment forever. 

Thank you to all of our Veteran’s. 

 

Really, Dude? April 19, 2016

Filed under: Family,Love,New Things — Courtney @ 2:30 pm

“Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child.”
— Tina Brown

“Really, Dude?” would be the newest phrase that has been uttered in our household. Whether it’s because he spit up on his outfit we just changed him into, sprayed a fountain of pee all over himself (and me, the wall, in his bath water…), or passing gas in Chris’s lap like it’s going out of style, this seems to be the most appropriate response. But then there are all the other special moments in between the “Really, Dude?”s. The ones where I just watch him sleeping so preciously. When he grabs hold of my shirt while I’m cuddling him. The little smile he gives, even if it’s on accident. These moments make all those other ones worth while. There was one night we had friends over to watch a movie. B was incredibly fussy for some reason. I ended up holding him and rocking him and missing 80% of the movie. But somehow I didn’t mind. This motherhood feeling really takes over and the things that used to matter don’t seem as important anymore.

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Being a mom is not something you can really prepare for. And thank goodness for that, because I did not feel prepared at all! I don’t do babies. Never have. But being with B and taking care of him, it’s surreal. I am so thankful to God that he provides this amazing relationship and bond that comes with these perfect instincts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making this sound like it’s all a fairy tale. I’ve been overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, and incredibly emotional over our past four week with B (four weeks, what?!). However, all those lows come with the highs. It’s cliche, but I really wonder how my life ever felt complete without him. He takes up a special place in my heart that only he can occupy.

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This Tina Brown quote said it best. Seeing Chris as a dad has made my love for him transform. He is a perfect father. He’s already talking up his baseball skills and working out his legs and arms. He may get peed on 8/10 times he changes the diaper, but he is still happy to do it. He’s patient. Loving. Tender. I know that he and B will have great times together.

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I’ve also got to take a moment to shout out to our amazing family who has been a gigantic help. I have the utmost respect for single parents, because I don’t know what I would do without being able to call one of B’s grandparents or great-grandparents for some help! Some days I just need some extra Z’s, and I know they’ll help make sure that happens. Thanks for all you do for us and B! We are truly blessed.

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All glory goes to the Most High! Praise God for the newest addition to our family.

 

Prayer Request. October 18, 2013

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5

With a heavy heart I am asking my followers to pray for Jordan and her family. Jordan has battled and won the fight against leukemia three times in the past six years. She received a bone marrow transplant in March where she thought her fighting would end. Unfortunately while she was still healing, Jordan got the flu and pneumonia in September. She has been on life support since.

As someone who has battled cancer and its consequences, I cannot imagine in the slightest what Jordan and her family are going through at this time. So please pray for all of them as Jordan continues to fight. God has miraculously healed her three times before.

Jordan is such an inspiration to cancer fighters everywhere. I’ve never heard her complaining. She is such a Christian role model. She inspires everyone that meets her. Please prayer for her now and every other time she comes across your mind.

“Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,” Psalm 103:2-4

—————————— UPDATE 10/19: ——————————

Jordan passed away last night. She has gone to be with the Lord. She is no longer suffering, and she is stronger than she’s ever been now that she’s in Heaven. I truly appreciate all of your prayers. Please continue to prayer for her family and all of the many lives that she touched. You will be forever missed, Jordan. Thank you so much for all that you’ve taught me!

 

The Married Life. October 16, 2013

Filed under: Love,New Things — Courtney @ 9:27 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

“Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love”
“I Won’t Give Up” Jason Mraz

For those who are unmarried, let me give you a heads up: everyone will ask you, “How’s the married life?” for, as far as I can tell, at least five months. I have been asked this question many, many times. My usual response is, “It’s great,” or something along those lines. But if these polite people wanted my true answer, they’d be listening to me for a while.

There’s the cliche “waking up to your best friend” business, which, don’t get me wrong, that’s definitely on the list of what makes ‘the married life’ great. But it’s so much more than that. I am constantly saying, “it’s the little things.” Because it is. That phrase has never meant as much to me as it has in the past five and half months. What makes the married life great? It’s when he watches one more episode of The Office with me and misses the first twenty minutes of the Red Sox game. It’s when he makes me a pb&j because I just think he does it so much better than me. It’s when he tells me to buy the Cosmopolitan magazine that I’m staring at while we’re waiting in line at Wal-Mart. It’s when he randomly reaches for my hand. It’s when he comes home and surprises me with gummie bears or gas station hot dogs (trust me, that’s more romantic than it sounds). It’s when he answers all my clueless baseball and football questions when he watches a game. It’s when I come home to find the living room neat or the dishes put away. It’s when he works super hard to make sure to use the right towels in the kitchen, because they all have a specific job. It’s when he does all of these little things and so many other big things that he does on a daily basis.

So, in case you haven’t already picked up on things, the married life is truly amazing, and I could not ask for a better man to share this crazy life with. Thank you for being such an amazing husband, Chris. You are my world.

 

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”
– Mignon McLaughlin

“Look around
There’s no one but you and me
Right here and now
The way it was meant to be
There’s a smile on my face
Knowing that together everything that’s in our way
We’re better than alright”
“Between the Raindrops” Lifehouse

 

November + December. September 1, 2013

Here is photo collage to sum up the rest of 2012. It was filled with reuniting with old friends, going out, game nights, visiting family, work, poker, doggies, training with the Cohort, a kitchen gadget engagement shower, work on Christmas, a horrible attempt at burrito making, Rock Band, and my last day at the theater. I ended the year with twenty-three pairs of Chuck T’s, and brought in the new year by bowling with Chris and friends.

November + December 2012.

 

October. January 1, 2013

So, it’s obviously been quite some time since I’ve found the time to write my blog. So, for October I’ll just be posting a photo collage that sums up the month. [going out to eat, Auburn football, two conerts, relaxing, studying, shopping, class, puppies, the fair, Bible study, junk food, FUN.]

October